she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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