Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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