Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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