I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my liver is dry heaving
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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