We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
