At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she smelled like a LAN party
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
