Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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