I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize