He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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