Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?