I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line