oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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