I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
