White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
