it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
