he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
