We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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