And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
