Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
no, he came in my armpit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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