Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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