Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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