I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
