I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
