somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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