Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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