I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
