He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
