Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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