ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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