im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
