omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize