i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
