Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sober January is a disaster.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
