I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
