watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
