fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
