Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
