I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
