am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
COCAINE IS GR8
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
