He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
