At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
