He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Even my vagina gasped.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
