I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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