No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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