Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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