I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
