holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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