whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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