you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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