It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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