at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
