you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
