i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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