Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
