my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
