my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
