I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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