So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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