Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize