I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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